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10 Golden Rules to Avoid Punishing Kids

Punishing kids frequently can make them more stubborn and aggressive. It can also give rise other behavioural issues in them. So, it is necessary to avoid punishing kids to avoid such behavioural problems in them. Let us take a look at the 10 golden rules to avoid punishing kids.Punishment like corporal punishment, verbal abuse should be strictly off limits for children as it has several negative repurcurrsions. Child counsellors say that when a healthy loving relationship exists between parents and children, a single look of disapproval or non communication is enough to convey to children that what they have done is wrong. Here is what you could do to avoid punishing your kids. In this articleJudge the Age Appropriateness of BehaviourTeach the Difference Between Right and WrongLead By ExampleMotivate IntrinsicallyBe Emotionally CloseUse a Firm Level Tone of VoiceEnsure DisciplineReward Good BehaviourCalm YourselfConsider Counselling1. Judge the Age Appropriateness of BehaviourMentally ask yourself the question “is the behaviour exhibited by my kid age appropriate?” If the answer is yes then quit the idea of punishment. For example, if your three year old describes a guest as “that fat man” you should not get angry as it is age appropriate for toddlers to describe what they see without negative intent. Explanation works better than punishment in such situations.2. Teach the Difference Between Right and WrongKids are not born with an inbuilt moral compass and it becomes very difficult for them when they get punished for doing wrong things unknowingly. For example, your five year old may have lied to save his skin not knowing that lying is ethically unacceptable. Instead of punishment sit down with your kids and make them understand the moral differentiation between right action and wrong.3. Lead By ExampleYou need to act as a role model for your children if you really want them to imbibe good behaviour naturally. This means that you need to practice things like not lying, speaking politely and leading a disciplined life yourself. When your kids see you doing things that you have told them to do, they automatically get motivated. This means that they will try to be on their best behaviour most of the time and it will become unnecessary for you to inflict punishment.4. Motivate IntrinsicallyMostly kids behave badly as they are extrinsically motivated by the reward and punishment system. Parents need to teach the concept of intrinsic motivation where the option of doing a good thing automatically generates a feeling of organic happiness.5. Be Emotionally CloseThe closer you are to your kids emotionally and the more aware you are of their needs and wants; it will become easier for you to ensure good behaviour. When a child feels close and loved by parents good behaviour automatically follows by intrinsic motivation and the desire to impress.6. Use a Firm Level Tone of VoiceUse a level and cool tone of voice when you are reprimanding them for some wrong doing. This tone automatically makes kids feel that they have done something wrong and they are motivated to listen carefully. Punishment can follow only if your kids do not listen to repeated use of this tone.7. Ensure DisciplineNot punishing kids does not mean not disciplining them. Draw up appropriate rules for behaviour in your home and ensure that they are followed. Discipline should be a part of everyday life and not just reserved for special occasions.8. Reward Good BehaviourPublically appreciate kids when they have behaved well as this will further encourage them to keep up good behaviour. Repeated appreciation of good behaviour will work wonders and actually prove to be more effective than any punishment system.9. Calm YourselfPunishment imparted in a moment of fury and anger always foes more harm than good. Whenever you feel yourself getting angry, take a few moments to calm yourself down. If necessary, walk out of the room for some time.10. Consider CounsellingIf behaviour problems persist then consider taking kids to a child counsellor where issues can be effectively addressed. This is a much preferred mode of action than inflicting punishment which could further alienate your children.Now that you know 10 golden rules to avoid punishing kids you can deal with discipline more effectively.What are the ways to avoid punishing kids? What are the ill effects of punishing kids? Which behavioural issues are developed in kids if they are punished frequently? Discuss here.

Punishment like corporal punishment, verbal abuse should be strictly off limits for children as it has several negative repurcurrsions. Child counsellors say that when a healthy loving relationship exists between parents and children, a single look of disapproval or non communication is enough to convey to children that what they have done is wrong. Here is what you could do to avoid punishing your kids.

1. Judge the Age Appropriateness of Behaviour

Mentally ask yourself the question “is the behaviour exhibited by my kid age appropriate?” If the answer is yes then quit the idea of punishment. For example, if your three year old describes a guest as “that fat man” you should not get angry as it is age appropriate for toddlers to describe what they see without negative intent. Explanation works better than punishment in such situations.

2. Teach the Difference Between Right and Wrong

Kids are not born with an inbuilt moral compass and it becomes very difficult for them when they get punished for doing wrong things unknowingly. For example, your five year old may have lied to save his skin not knowing that lying is ethically unacceptable. Instead of punishment sit down with your kids and make them understand the moral differentiation between right action and wrong.

3. Lead By Example

You need to act as a role model for your children if you really want them to imbibe good behaviour naturally. This means that you need to practice things like not lying, speaking politely and leading a disciplined life yourself. When your kids see you doing things that you have told them to do, they automatically get motivated. This means that they will try to be on their best behaviour most of the time and it will become unnecessary for you to inflict punishment.

4. Motivate Intrinsically

Mostly kids behave badly as they are extrinsically motivated by the reward and punishment system. Parents need to teach the concept of intrinsic motivation where the option of doing a good thing automatically generates a feeling of organic happiness.

5. Be Emotionally Close

The closer you are to your kids emotionally and the more aware you are of their needs and wants; it will become easier for you to ensure good behaviour. When a child feels close and loved by parents good behaviour automatically follows by intrinsic motivation and the desire to impress.

6. Use a Firm Level Tone of Voice

Use a level and cool tone of voice when you are reprimanding them for some wrong doing. This tone automatically makes kids feel that they have done something wrong and they are motivated to listen carefully. Punishment can follow only if your kids do not listen to repeated use of this tone.

7. Ensure Discipline

Not punishing kids does not mean not disciplining them. Draw up appropriate rules for behaviour in your home and ensure that they are followed. Discipline should be a part of everyday life and not just reserved for special occasions.

8. Reward Good Behaviour

Publically appreciate kids when they have behaved well as this will further encourage them to keep up good behaviour. Repeated appreciation of good behaviour will work wonders and actually prove to be more effective than any punishment system.

9. Calm Yourself

Punishment imparted in a moment of fury and anger always foes more harm than good. Whenever you feel yourself getting angry, take a few moments to calm yourself down. If necessary, walk out of the room for some time.

10. Consider Counselling

If behaviour problems persist then consider taking kids to a child counsellor where issues can be effectively addressed. This is a much preferred mode of action than inflicting punishment which could further alienate your children.

Now that you know 10 golden rules to avoid punishing kids you can deal with discipline more effectively.

What are the ways to avoid punishing kids? What are the ill effects of punishing kids? Which behavioural issues are developed in kids if they are punished frequently? Discuss here.